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Today my Spotify Wrapped was like: "You listened for 1,201 minutes. That's 0.8 days. Nice." and I'm like "Yes, Spotify. I gave you just enough to explore my soul." And honestly, I've only had Spotify for a couple of months. If I would have had it the whole year, the number would have been astronomical. Here's the stats below, with commentary. Enjoy!
I listened to Culture Club for 567 minutes, putting me in the top 0.08% of global fans.
Which feels about right, considering I:
Emotionally bled out to Victims on repeat
Yelled "I KNOW YOU'LL MISS ME BLIND" like it was a legal threat
Rebuilt my glittery personality using vintage synths and unresolved gay yearning
Felt personally attacked by Jon Moss being erased from their current promo photo
Spiritually camped out inside the Colour By Numbers album for 173 minutes
Still haven't emotionally recovered from Black Money
I was given the Supporter role in Spotify's "Grit Collective". Translation: "You picked that one artist and rode or died like a dramatic synthpop paladin."
Colour By Numbers - The Holy Text
Kissing to Be Clever - The Chaotic Prequel
BBC In Concert (1982) - George's voice is rough at times on this album, but it's glorious. Him telling the fans to shut up is comedy gold.
THY KINGDOM COME by $uicideboy$ - ...and now, for somehting completely unhinged
I'm 36. But honestly? Accurate. I don't stream, I haunt albums. I don't vibe, I spiral in eyeliner and orchestral synths.
I didn't just have a Wrapped -- I had an arc. A narrative. A breakdown. A glittery resurrection. Spotify tried to define me, but I was already screaming lyrics in two languages across three to four decades of pain and fashion.
Long live the synthpop. Long live Culture Club. Long live emotional devastation in full glam.
I put Tilak on my forehead fro the first time tonight. The gopi I used is scented -- sandalwood -- and a beautiful saffron color. It's such a comforting thing to do. Most Krishna Consciousness followers, if not all, wear Tilak. Mine isn't perfect, it's a bit wonky, but the intent is there, and that's what matters.
As the title says, why are friendships so hard? My best friend of the past 25 years won't talk to me anymore, all because I don't get on with her abusive husband.
And then I talked in the previous blog post about my ex-friend, J, blocking me for no reason.
Honestly, I'm just so sick of being left with questions. I genuinely don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Like... at least tell me if I've done something wrong before you block me, so I don't keep making the same mistakes. I feel like I'm starting to hit a low point, and it sucks.
Been having a rough time. Back in April, I reconnected with an old friend from middle school -- we'll call him J -- and we hit it off, started talking, realized we had a lot in common; a love of pro wrestling, a love of video games, etc. We talked EVERY DAY. Suddenly, around September 20th, he stopped messaging me. I reached o ut trying to figure out why, and never heard back.
I figured maybe he was busy, since I had remembered him saying he was helping out his family after one of them had surgery, so I really didn't think much of it, and decided to give space. Yesterday, I realized I hadn't seen him posting on Facebook, which was odd. So I went to click on his profile, and it took me to a "Content not found" screen. I was confused.
So I went on my backup Facebook page, and I could see J's page from that one. Yeah. He blocked me. For what reason, I don't know. I never said or did anything untoward. It really hurt because this is usually how romance goes for me; I start talking to someone, we hit it off, realize we have a lot in common, and then they ghost me/block me out of nowhere. It really messes with my head, to be honest. I'm just going to stick to being 'in love' with my favorite celebrities/favorite wrestlers, I guess.
Having a bad mmoment right now. My mom and I were discussing wanting to get a cat. My cat, Matilda, passed away in 2015, so it's been ten years without a cat by my side.
However, as soon as my dad heard what we were discussing, he threw a fit. Said absolutely not, and said that the idea is "bullshit". It's unfair. I guess the things I want don't matter. I honestly hate living here. I want to move out, but I can't afford it. I guess moving out is the only way I can ever have a cat.
I feel like I don't belong in my own home. I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm a stranger in this world.
Waiting to receive my Japa Mala. I can't wait to get them, then I can properly chant the Maha Mantra of the morning. I don't know about anyone else, but I chant the Maha Mantra the way Boy George does in the song Bow Down Mister. I can't chant it any other way, LOL.
Also looking forward to receiving my Tilak as well, so I can apply it of the morning before chanting. Of course, I'll have to remove it afterwards -- the bad thing about living with super Christian family that think Krishna Consciousness is a cult -- but it's okay.